When it comes to growing your daughter’s confidence, you have tremendous power – if you know how to use it. That power lies in the myriad encounters you have with her every day. Self-esteem, self-worth, and the bond you have with your daughter are cornerstones of confidence. Every interaction – including challenges and conflicts – stands to increase, decrease, or leave about the same her self-esteem, self-worth and that precious bond. I think of this as The Magic of Small Moments.

The ability to keep going when the learning curve is long can be a real challenge to self-worth. This is meltdown territory, and teaching your daughter to keep on keepin’ on when she’s having a hard time with something requires empathy, insight, and skill.

Girls learn resilience – the ability to bounce back from painful experiences, like failing a test or losing a friend – by being walked through their feelings and the process of regaining their balance. It’s a process that you can intentionally teach.

Depression doesn’t just sweep in from nowhere. There are almost always very clear triggers that, with knowledge and skills, you can and should teach your girls to recognize and manage.

Your daughter learns from you whether or not her feelings — these vital parts of her Self — have a rightness about them, and this determines whether she embraces them or tries to suppress them. Being fully heard and understood helps her accept and love herself. Usually, when parents say something that chips away at their daughter’s confidence, it’s unintentional. It’s almost always because of fear, often the fear that her emotions will overwhelm her.

When you’re able to convey a sense of calm and the message that things will be okay, your daughter, little by little, gains the ability to manage painful emotions on her own. Learning the ins and outs of being that anchor is something you can do.

Girls so often believe that it’s their appearance or their grades or the way they please people that gives them value. This false equation sets them up for depression. It is your unwavering delight in your daughter – in good times and in bad — that allows her to believe that she is valuable no matter what — and from there springs a solid sense of self-worth.

I think of girls who freely and confidently express their feelings and opinions as “joyful rebels”. I often ask parents whether they’re certain they want a joyful rebel, because for girls to feel confident to speak when they’re away from home, they first have to have the experience with you, consistently, of having their beliefs and ideas heard, respected, and considered. That can be a tall order when your daughter disagrees with you.